I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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