i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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