i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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