Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
