I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
