The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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