I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
