Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
