Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
