it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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