When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
