the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
