Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
