i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
