Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want you more than these girls want KFC
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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