remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
