I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
