she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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