I think I won the penis lottery.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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