I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
