No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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