my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
