I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
