final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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