Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
