mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
