my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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