just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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