Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
