Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
