Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
