Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
