he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
