my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
