We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
