the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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