You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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