Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
