I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
