Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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