I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize