He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
