make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
