i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
