I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
