My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
