new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
