he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
