can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cut my penus on the lid.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
