My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
